Luckily, by the time the zombie apocalypse hots up, we’ll all be ordering off Amazon.
Our groceries will be delivered by armed men in armoured trucks, police will be on high alert and stop people randomly in the street to question them, and our homes will all be surrounded by high walls and electric fences.
Of course, the best place to live at the end of the world will be South Africa. If only because it won’t be such a lifestyle adjustment.
We all carry guns with us everywhere and live with thick bars on our windows. The roads are already absolute mayhem – with people staggering in the middle lane, groaning with their hands in front of them.
And Joburgers are already stopping at deserted petrol stations holding jerry cans like they do in Walking Dead and George Romero movies.
Plus, South Africans all have a natural suspicion of anyone they don’t know personally – so none of this eek-it’s-a-zombie! nonsense.
In all likelihood, the scourge of the undead will be the best thing that ever happened to SA.
Black and white will find that we’re not so different after all – at least we breathe air and turn our noses up at bloody chunks of human flesh – and we can unite at the polling stations to vote for more lax gun laws.
Of course, Julius Malema will blame the whole End of Days scenario on Helen Zille and the white racists in the DA… and Jacob Zuma will impregnate one.
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