... so that's what Outside looks like!

I think most people would get more out of life if they practiced forced deprivation.

I realised this upon getting the windows cleaned and marvelling at how beautiful the view of Lion’s Head was from our front room. This wasn’t the ‘forced deprivation’ I’m talking about; the dirty windows didn’t get that way because I was attempting some meditation-free Zen Enlightenment – but coz I’m just fucking lazy.

It also didn’t help that we live three stories up, and the risk to life and limb didn’t seem worth it. Funnily enough, though, I didn’t mind paying someone to place their health on the line to climb out there and do the job.

The point is that this small improvement has brought a lot of enjoyment and – I hesitate to say, but here goes – inspiration.

We’ve all been fed this idea that it’s the rags-to-riches story that has the happy ending. More likely it’s the riches-to-rags one that will end in you finding more beauty in life – when you learn to appreciate the small stuff.

But is the only way to appreciate life through deprivation? Maybe.

It’s a fact that the more you have, the more you take for granted. This is sometimes also true when it comes to relationship dynamics. An odd proverb that is scarily accurate is: Never do your best, or people will expect that from you all the time.

There are few in life that will appreciate your thoughtful acts if these actions are constant. It’s strange that no matter how good the ‘status quo’ is, it’s still just becomes an everyday existence.

But I don’t think it’s wise to become a mean shit so anything nice you do for someone else seems outstanding. Helping your friends when they need it and bringing the one you love brekkie in bed should be a given.

The word ‘unconditional’ should be struck from our vocabularies. All relationships are reciprocal. This is not immoral (or amoral) or self-satisfying; it is the only way to know whether others appreciate your kindnesses.

Those you help should return the favour when it is you who needs help. The people you make feel special should strive to show you how special you are to them. It’s the way it should work… it’s the only way it does work and not eventually inspire bitterness and resentment.

So the trick is not to deprive loved ones of our care, but to change our perception of all good acts needing to be unconditional.

And maybe the trick is not to deprive ourselves of things that bring us joy and inspiration, but to stop saturating ourselves in experiences that bring us fleeting happiness.

Love and Stuff...

I think every one of us, at some time or another, whether going through a hard time or lending an ear to a mate’s hard time, has spoken the words, “Relationships take work!”

This is as true a theory as E=MC… I don’t know how to put the little 2 above the C, but you get my drift – but just because you can spew it doesn’t mean you understand it.

You hear people saying it when their romance has marinated for a few years and now the fire has gone and it’s getting boring. Maybe there’s kids involved and a divorce is seen as unwise, maybe you’ve been in the relationship for so long it would seem like a waste to end it, it would seem like giving up, and now you feel it’s time to start putting this ‘work’ in.

The main problem with this theory is not the formula itself, but the fact that most people don’t understand the variables.

I think it’s Vince Vaughn’s character in the film ‘Made’ who says, “Show me a beautiful girl and I’ll show you a guy who’s bored of fucking her.”

Rosie O’Donnell in the Nineties classic, ‘Beautiful Girls’, says it a bit less crudely: “No matter how perfect she seems, it’s gonna get old. That’s why there’s gotta be something more going on over there other than the physical.”

Men in this respect are fucked. I know guys who place more importance on whether their mates think their girlfriend is hot than their own feelings of attraction towards her.

Women are just as ridiculous. Some girls stay with a guy even though he treats them like shit.

Then when their relationship starts turning to dust they bang on about how they just need to ‘work’ at it. You know, try and put in some effort to make the other person feel special.

The thing is that if it seems like work then you might as well throw in the towel. Your relationship is not your job. It’s probably more akin to a hobby, but that doesn’t really do it justice either.

Making the other person feel special should be something you want to do, not something you feel you should do in order to save a crumbling tower of what was once infatuation.

And this ‘work’ should be something you do constantly, not just when it’s all going pear-shaped.

I get annoyed that whenever I buy flowers for my fiancée the till-jockey over the counter asks what I’ve done wrong, as though that’s the only time men buy flowers. How does he know they’re not for my sick granny, or my mum on her birthday, or, God forbid, just because I love my significant other and want her to never doubt it.

It can be hard to be with someone for years and have ‘in love’ turn to just ‘love’ – there is a big difference. And quite often ‘in love’ turns to ‘attachment’ and you don’t even realise it; but it does sometimes happen that the relationship becomes like a favourite sweater – it’s old and tatty, but it brings back so many memories of good times that you don’t want to get rid of it.

You've got to then either get to a Sexpo and give it another bash, or get out!

You can have all the bungee-jumping and extreme ironing, but the most dangerous sport ever invented was love. If you’re not willing to risk injury then stay away from it.

When you’re in love with someone you’re always insecure. And you should be every day thinking of ways to make that person know it and try with all your might to keep that person in love with you.

For guys it’s not that difficult. If you’re in a relationship already all you really have to do is make the person you love feel like the most gorgeous, most important girl in the world.

I’m in love with Lucy because, aside from being the sexiest creature that ever lived, she inspires me every moment. And I try hard to pay this back by channelling that inspiration into ways to make her feel beautiful and special.

And because of everything she is, I really don’t find it all that hard.