I think every one of us, at some time or another, whether going through a hard time or lending an ear to a mate’s hard time, has spoken the words, “Relationships take work!”
This is as true a theory as E=MC… I don’t know how to put the little 2 above the C, but you get my drift – but just because you can spew it doesn’t mean you understand it.
You hear people saying it when their romance has marinated for a few years and now the fire has gone and it’s getting boring. Maybe there’s kids involved and a divorce is seen as unwise, maybe you’ve been in the relationship for so long it would seem like a waste to end it, it would seem like giving up, and now you feel it’s time to start putting this ‘work’ in.
The main problem with this theory is not the formula itself, but the fact that most people don’t understand the variables.
I think it’s Vince Vaughn’s character in the film ‘Made’ who says, “Show me a beautiful girl and I’ll show you a guy who’s bored of fucking her.”
Rosie O’Donnell in the Nineties classic, ‘Beautiful Girls’, says it a bit less crudely: “No matter how perfect she seems, it’s gonna get old. That’s why there’s gotta be something more going on over there other than the physical.”
Men in this respect are fucked. I know guys who place more importance on whether their mates think their girlfriend is hot than their own feelings of attraction towards her.
Women are just as ridiculous. Some girls stay with a guy even though he treats them like shit.
Then when their relationship starts turning to dust they bang on about how they just need to ‘work’ at it. You know, try and put in some effort to make the other person feel special.
The thing is that if it seems like work then you might as well throw in the towel. Your relationship is not your job. It’s probably more akin to a hobby, but that doesn’t really do it justice either.
Making the other person feel special should be something you want to do, not something you feel you should do in order to save a crumbling tower of what was once infatuation.
And this ‘work’ should be something you do constantly, not just when it’s all going pear-shaped.
I get annoyed that whenever I buy flowers for my fiancée the till-jockey over the counter asks what I’ve done wrong, as though that’s the only time men buy flowers. How does he know they’re not for my sick granny, or my mum on her birthday, or, God forbid, just because I love my significant other and want her to never doubt it.
It can be hard to be with someone for years and have ‘in love’ turn to just ‘love’ – there is a big difference. And quite often ‘in love’ turns to ‘attachment’ and you don’t even realise it; but it does sometimes happen that the relationship becomes like a favourite sweater – it’s old and tatty, but it brings back so many memories of good times that you don’t want to get rid of it.
You've got to then either get to a Sexpo and give it another bash, or get out!
You can have all the bungee-jumping and extreme ironing, but the most dangerous sport ever invented was love. If you’re not willing to risk injury then stay away from it.
When you’re in love with someone you’re always insecure. And you should be every day thinking of ways to make that person know it and try with all your might to keep that person in love with you.
For guys it’s not that difficult. If you’re in a relationship already all you really have to do is make the person you love feel like the most gorgeous, most important girl in the world.
I’m in love with Lucy because, aside from being the sexiest creature that ever lived, she inspires me every moment. And I try hard to pay this back by channelling that inspiration into ways to make her feel beautiful and special.
And because of everything she is, I really don’t find it all that hard.
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