Asleep At The Wheel

OAPs will tell you a mug of warm milk does the trick.

Hippies swear by meditation and thinking of the colour purple.

But I’ve found the most effective cure for insomnia is Formula 1 racing.

Aside from the repetitive round-and-round-we-go, listening to enthusiasts telling you it’s not the racing but the individual racers that are exciting – or something as nonsensical as that – should get you to pop off in no time.

It’s kind of like watching traffic except all the cars look the same and there’s no hooting or rude hand gestures. But these guys have got nothing on Cape Town drivers when it comes to speeding and dangerous overtaking.

Much hullabaloo was made of CT’s bid for our very own F1 track through the Waterfront and Greenpoint, but I think we could do better on our own.

Rather get minibus taxis involved. With gogos climbing on and off with their grocery bags, loud kwaito and toothless sidekicks shouting from the windows it’d be much more colourful and entertaining.

A separate division that ran at the same time could include emo art students on Vespa scooters overtaking on the left and stopping to buy a banky of ganja.

Add to all of that the guys selling Funny Money and bergies collecting coins for their bottle store fund standing in the middle of the road and I reckon we’d have a hit.

Of course, McLaren and Ferrari would have to start making kombis, but if Porsche can build a 4X4 then I don’t see the problem.

I wouldn’t mind the noise if it ran past my house. In fact, it’d make a change from the police sirens every morning. And the whiny engines would bring back memories of last year’s Fifa World Cup vuvuzela craze.

Even though the races would be as boring as ever, I think we could do with having some of the gees back in the city… and I could do with the beauty sleep.