A friend of mine has a fetish for feet. He loves summer not because girls wear short skirts, but because their toes are on display in sandals and slops.
He once told me I had nice feet, which I’ll admit made me a bit uncomfortable. Not that I’m homophobic or he’s homosexual, but I kind of felt like my nob was hanging out.
Personally, I’m a boots man. A nice pair of knee-highs or uggs on a woman and I’m there.
And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. Think of every porno you’ve watched – the girls always shag with their shoes on.
This is either because they don’t want to get their dirty feet on the bed linen, or that men like shoes as much as Posh Beckham does.
I think most people have some fetish that they never talk about. We, as a society, seem to think that any indication of a preference to the missionary position is perverted. Sex is probably the oldest anathema of the civilised world.
Ridiculous! It’s the one thing we all have in common – from teenagers to old codgers, rugby jocks to make-up-wearing trannys, even priests like a bit of choirboy coitus every now and again.
Sex should be something that (if you’ll excuse the bludgeoning pun) brings us together.
One of the most unmentionable – and I’d wager common – fetishes involves the Catholic schoolgirl’s uniform.
It’s what made Britney Spears so popular, but I don’t think it’s the underage chicky-boo inside that’s the harbinger of heavy-breathing – it’s the actual item of clothing itself.
My theory is that most men didn’t get that much action in their teen years due to shyness, insecurity, or just pimples and gangly legs. No matter how many women they can pull in later years that memory of the hottest girl in school spurning their advances sticks like chewed up bubblegum in the corner of their hippocampus.
It’s not sex with underage girls they want; it’s any woman in a school uniform and pigtails.
My advice to females of all consenting ages – if you can’t think of anything to get him for his birthday, head for the back-2-school section of your local Pep store.
The irony is that sex shop owners are as guilty as the pseudo-pious when it comes to this mentality of “let’s do it and say we didn’t”.
Because they think we think fornication is filthy, the manager of Adult World thinks he can get away with not employing a cleaning lady.
It’d be the very definition of a dirty job, but either that or have a strict ‘clean up after yourself’ policy in the viewing booths. Use a hanky after hanky-panky.
But every one of us is guilty by feeling shame when we imagine getting a spanking or licking off a cream bikini. By bending to the wills of society’s sanctimonious we are maybe not making it worse, but we are certainly not making it any less taboo.
So get over yourself. You’re not that sick and twisted. Tell your partner all the kinky things you want to do to them.
My bet is they want to do something twice as weird to you.
Words: Nathan Casey
Photo: Ross Hillier
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