Prime Slime

Maybe E-TV should just go ahead and change its name to WWE-TV.

No matter what time of the day, if you switch over to this channel, you’re sure to witness two guys pretending to beat the bejeezus out of each other. We all know it’s an act, and that no one really gets hurt, but we call it ‘sport’ and watch it anyway.

I’ll admit it makes for better daytime television than Days of our Lives reruns and infomercials for snail goo face packs, but the fact that it’s Prime Time viewing is a pretty pathetic reflection of public intellectualism.

Why is this American theatre on in a South African Prime Time slot anyway? Is the target audience for ETV really so undiscerning? Or do we as a nation like to unwind after a hard day’s slog by watching grown men slap and pull hair?

WWE Wrestling is kind of like a violent soap opera for boys. The men tend to spend more time scheming and insulting each other on-stage (or in-ring?) than actually fighting, and the costumes are so camp they could be rejects from the set of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

For decades parents have expressed concern about their children being exposed to such violence, but to my mind there is a lot more to be worried about if your kids idolise these artificial athletes.

I’d feel as though I’d neglected my duties as a responsible parent if one day my son asked for a t-shirt bearing the flexing bicep and growling mug of some bulging steroid case who dressed in tight luminous bicycle shorts and bickered like a menstruating fishwife with other, similarly-attired men.

Having your kids grow up to think all problems are solved through violence is one thing, but if they have to pop on a yellow one-piece and police-dog muzzle first, you know you’ve got problems.

With more of a sense of social responsibility, the SABC often televises boring ministerial debates during the day. And I’m sure the housewives and unemployable alcoholics who watch our politicians look down on those who choose the sweaty beefcakes.

But I suppose in Parliament the characters are as ridiculous, the arguments even more childish, and the eventual outcome just as pointless.