My Cockney Education - Part I

Although most people from Joburg are likely to call you their ‘china’, not many of them know that that the term comes from the cockney slang, ‘china plate’, which translates to ‘mate’.

When my mother-in-law visited from England she often encouraged me to have a “butcher’s” at something or other; butcher’s – butcher’s hook – look.

Further investigation led me to watching the entire box-set of Only Fools and Horses, with the inimitable Delboy saying things like, “The old dog’s knackered!” and “You’ve got a right rash on your boat race!”

So now, for no reason other than it makes my wife laugh, I share my first rhyming slang lesson with you.

LESSON #1: DOWN THE PUB

“Let’s swing by the Battle for a Gary!”
Battle Cruiser – Boozer
Gary Glitter – Bitter

“I’ll get the drinks, you grab us a lion’s and we can have a bowler.”
Lion’s Lair – Chair
Bowler Hat - Chat

“I’ll have an Ari of Nelson…”
Nelson Mandela – Stella (Artois)
Aristotle – Bottle

“…and my fruit wants a Winona.”
Fruit Gum – Chum
Winona Ryder – Cider

“Ooh, have a butcher’s at the Bristols on that twist!”
Butcher’s Hook – Look
Bristol Cities – Titties
Twist and Twirl – girl

“Oi, that’s my bricks ‘n mortar!”
Bricks and Mortar – Daughter

“That guy with her looks a right doctor.”
Doctor Dre – Gay

“Nah, he’s a Julius.”
Julius Caesar – Geezer

“Just the one for me, the wife’s Pope and babbling a Ruby tonight.”
Pope in Rome – Home
Babbling Brook – Cook
Ruby Murray – Curry

“No worries, I’m off to the Rick for a gypsey’s.”
Rick Whitter – Shitter
Gypsey’s Kiss – Piss

“Great. You grab the Jack. I haven’t got a sausage.”
Jack and Jill – Bill
Sausage and Mash – Cash

That should be enough to get you started. Now, I’m off to the pub with the trouble.