A Country of Boys

When I was growing up my mother always told me, “Manners make a man.” She told me this so often that it must have stuck, and it has guided my behaviour throughout my life.

There is the myth in Africa that to be considered a “real man” one must have as many sexual partners as possible, callously disregarding a woman’s worth, as though they are mere meaty morsels to be devoured.

Men on this continent appear to think that the number of women they impregnate, the number of children they “father”, somehow proves their strength. I must add that the actions of our president, Jacob Zuma, do nothing but perpetuate this behaviour.The truth is that any boy can make a baby, but it takes a man to be a father.

I believe that the measure of a man is the respect he shows to women; particularly the woman he is courting, in a relationship with, or married to.

The behaviour that stems from this belief is more than the mere façade of opening car doors or writing love letters when courting a lady; it is not a ploy to obtain love or sex. True, deep respect will not falter or be hidden when in the company of boorish male friends or colleagues.

This idea is proved when I observe the actions of my friend, Mark, a true English gentleman who stands when a lady arrives or departs a table, and compare it to the gorilla stomping down Long Street who throws his arm around a woman he does not know and dribbles, “I want to make you my wife.”

It is no wonder that Mark is adored by the women he knows and respects, while the “little boy” on Long Street is left with a disgusted dismissal to slouch off with his equally insignificant male cohorts.

This abhorrent view of women as objects solely for male sexual consumption, with little meaningful worth, appears endemic on our continent, in our country’s culture, regardless of the fact that it is the majority of women who raise and feed the children, while the father is either unemployed or absent.

These actions scar our society deeply. It is so bad that South African women seem to just have accepted it as a part of life – the way it has always been and will forever be.

This attitude spreads disease, amasses the population, and leaves the children of our country with a despicable model of male behaviour – a model which they will go on to imitate.

The responsibility of changing this facet of our culture lies with both men and women because these roles in society are learned from those who raise us.

Men must adopt an attitude of respect and treat any behaviour or comment to the contrary with the contempt it deserves.
And women must raise their children to know that a man is more than a walking penis, and that their duty is to be more than a pathetic propagator of the population.

It cannot be said enough: the measure of a man is the respect he shows to women.

Right now we are living in a country of boys – our president’s irresponsible, immature behaviour includes him in this sample. The question is, can we become a country of men?